Being gay and getting embarassed

I have a brother. He is eleven years old. Relating the title of my post with my brother, you might think that my brother is gay. Well, I am not really sure about his orientation. Yet. I don't know whether my brother even understands the concept of intercourse, but he knows what gay is. He knows what homosexual means. Well, when I was eleven, I definitely did not know anything about sex (yeah, I am a late bloomer), let alone homosexuality.

Am I the only one who thinks that there has been so much hype, unwanted hype, about sexual orientations lately? We should thank whoever brought those symptoms of homosexuality into real light. V-necks and big bags? You’re really serious?

Moving on. I am a bit apprehended in confusion and anger, since the first time I saw that guidelines of identifying homosexuals. Confusion, because I have been wondering, how on Earth can someone/ some-organisation come up with codes defining homosexuality? Anger because, the idea of coming up with the guidelines is, to identify early and treat them. Hey, are we talking about tuberculosis? Because based on my shallow knowledge, the Diagnostic and Statistic Manual of Mental Disorder (DSM) did not even bother classifying homosexuality as a disease, let alone preventable and treatable.

As someone close to me says all the time and I think it’s appropriate to mention the person now, as that would definitely answer the curious you; my boyfriend says, homosexuality has become a fashion. I think it’s true. It’s trendy to say a person is gay. It’s funny to make a gay joke. It’s ‘awakening’ to imagine lesbians. It’s vote-winning when you fight for LGBTs. An as it has been a taboo in Malaysia all this while, the idea of homesexuality is the new ‘it’. The new manifesto.

Being gay is embarrassing to Malaysian culture, largely because the religion our country is founded upon. I am not sure, but I wonder what happens to those who tried so much to hide it, and fail in their lives later. My father thinks it’s against nature. My father thinks men and women complement each other, not the other two available combinations. I think, homosexuality is a normal variant. Normal. Homosexuality was there, between the lady and her dresser in Victorian times, and it is still here, among the men in gymnasiums. The only difference is, it used to be love, as in from a person to another person, and now, as I see it, it is perceived as a sensational, juicy, and embarrassing affair between two males.

I am writing this because, I believe in love. No matter what lies between your legs, love is spelled using the same four letters for all of us.

Someone told this to me recently, “I know by being who I really am, I am committing myself to a lonely future.” Depressing, really.

I am going to see this man soon, and he looks good in V-neck, don't you think?