Day 4: My views on religion

Difficult topic.

I was born as a Hindu. I believe in God. I believe that there is only one God.  I think, religion is a regime that is supposed to set us a guideline on being a good, useful man. But, what is good and what is bad? That depends on the circumstances that we live in. That depends on the culture we have been brought up in. I strongly believe that living things strive to propagate and to satisfy hunger, by means of aggression.  Sex, food and power. I believe, religion is not a sudden concept that came down in a spectrum of lights through neither, the fluffy clouds nor a thunderstorm. I believe, religion is an idea created by humans for humans. Religion was/is a theory to bring people together and to gain power. The battalion that has the larger strength reins the world. Every new sovereign brings new ministers. That alters the principles of religion, from being a guideline that illuminates life to just a list of Machiavellian techniques that teaches to dominate

.

Being born in Malaysia and in a conservative family, the idea of God was ingrained to me even before birth, I suppose. So, there was never a need to understand what the word ‘god’ means, because the God-concept was there all the time. Simple analogy, there was never a need to understand what ‘mom’ means because mom has been there all the time. I started to discover the probability of the existence of a supreme power when I was in my secondary school, thanks to Biology classes. Mitosis, fertilization, sun, stars, animal kingdom, botany. How can I run away from admiring all these creations without coming across the probability of a creator? The births and deaths I faced in medical school just strengthened that idea. So, there, I believe in God.

A point worth to be noted here, Dan Brown played a huge role in my discovery about God. His Da Vinci’s code spoke a lot about the proportions in nature, the proportions in a human being, which made me wonder, is this how God created people? By setting a formula and assigning it to create mankind, creating little variations that makes you different from me. Probably, I don’t know.  Dan Brown, many books, and my friend, Sharon Rohini, taught me a lot about Christianity and I am sure there are still more about it that I should learn. With all respect and more curiosity, I often think that Lord Jesus is a white-man’s God. My ex-roommate had pictures of Lord Jesus mounted on the walls of our room, and I saw, a Caucasoid man, with strawberry-blonde wavy hair, piercing blue eyes, shining the world with his silent smile. So, that makes me wonder, is God a Caucasian? Is God a male?  Same goes to the primal polytheism belief that many Indians are strongly founded upon. There are so many Gods, each with their own superpowers and multiple tools. Is there a committee of Gods taking different roles to safeguard the universe?  I live in a community filled with Muslims and I can’t run away from seeing how they pray, their teachings and their approach to religion. The thing that upsets me, and keeps me thinking over and over again, is the fanaticism Muslims have in upholding Islam plus the extreme unlimited power it gives to males. By fanaticism, I mean, how everyone around me is trying to convert me into a Muslim. By fanaticism, I mean, all the preaches I have been getting to prove that Islam is the sole and only religion that should stand. I don’t get it. Why there is a need to prove which religion is right when a religion’s purpose is to guide me to be a better human?

I don’t know. This topic is truly difficult. I think for now or forever, I would like to believe, there is God and God watches the world so that it runs smoothly. I am a Hindu by my certificate and I would probably die as one.

Exactly, my point!

Day 3: My views on drugs and alcohol

I was born into a strict, conservative family and conveniently, my father works as a police officer (not the highest rank of cops, but among the little ones) in the narcotic department. So, words like cannabis, heroin and ICE were words I have been listening to since I was in primary school. Not that I knew what they meant, though. When I was little, like 10 or 11 years old, I had a fear. Fear of getting involved in drugs and being locked up under my father's supervision with my father's colleagues talking up my father's sleeves on how bad his child is. I didn't want my father to be embarrassed of me, so naturally, I fought my way away from drugs until I finished high school.

Being encased in a tiny town all the while, I first saw the real world when I entered matriculation. Drugs, cigarettes, alcohol were just theories to me before matriculation and out there, without my parents, I saw what people did. People of my age, people of my gender doing things I have never even imagined, I was really taken aback. I still remember, when I was in matriculation, my boyfriend sneaked out to a billiard club to watch football and I was so scared that he probably would be doing drugs or alcohol then, because drugs are taken by bad people, because alcohol makes you hit your family members, because ecstasy is going to make you cheat on your spouse. Those were my views on drugs and alcohol. Or better put, those were the views instilled by the government, Tamil movies and partly, my papa on drugs and alcohol upon me.

Five years in medical school, my opinions changed. Well, doctors deal with drugs and that, changed my perspectives about drugs and also, I began to see people who don't cheat on their girlfriends when they are under influence, so that kind of corrected bits and pieces of my cognitive errors. There was a day when I was fortunate enough to be posted to Hospital Sungai Buloh, center for Infectious Disease in Malaysia. I met the head of department(HOD) of the Infectious Disease Department, and I still remember the question he asked us, the lot of medical students there.  If someone ends up doing drugs, or getting HIV due to sharing needles, who is to be blamed? Well, naturally, being medical students in public university in Malaysia, the answer everyone offered was,"Serves you right you filthy drug addict! Now, get high with your AIDS lah!" So, the blame was on the addict. That was when the HOD, satisfied with our answers as if that's what he's been dying to hear, said, "Did you ever design your parents when you were in womb and wished that they would be like this and like that?" So, the point he was trying to convey was, not everybody has the pleasure of being born to a narcotic police officer who was able to freak me out to not try drugs and constantly reminded me the importance of education. Some of us are born into circumstances where spouses have arguments and fights, money was never enough, no one cared about school grades and people around them were all drunkards, that they have no options but to indulge in drugs and other unhealthy activities. When the HOD implanted this idea to us,to me, I stopped stereotyping.

Now, my friends use drugs for recreation and in wards, I have talked to many drug addicts and people who are recovering from substance dependence, and I think it is okay if you take drugs or alcohol. I myself have tried alcohol, many times now and I am looking forward to the day when I can get a taste of E or some morphine, just to feed my curiosity. I am uptight, I don't like the prospect of seeing myself lose control, so I would probably try them when I am alone or when I am with my boyfriend.

So, I think, yeah, those are my views on drugs and alcohol.

Post-script
1. My advice to you. Don't get addicted and use your own needles. Do not share needles, ok?

The weekend

There are things that I realised over the weekends and here's a list of it:

1. I hate to put make-ups to please others. As a matter of fact, I hate make-ups, if you exclude lipstick and eyeliners from the category. 
2. I am emotional, not sexual. I'd rather talk about the first kiss than the first sex. 
3. As I have always thought and, this thought has been strengthened over the weekend, I find pornography demoralizing and disgusting. And disturbing. 
4. I feel most comfortable in a loose t-shirt, jeans/shorts and a pair of flip-flops. With hair unbrushed and with no make-ups.
5. I don't like to talk about sex, blowjobs, handjobs or whatever jobs to others, not even my friends. 
6. I really feel comfortable talking to Nazirah. 
7. I prefer reading than watching movies/drama/porn. 
8. People are not as what we see superficially. They can be absolutely, different. Cover up, dress up, once you get to know them, you know what their cores are really made of.
9. I am very loyal, in term of thoughts, fantasy and  relationship.
10. Once I hate someone, no matter how hard I try, I cannot un-hate them.
11. I am always looking forward to go back home. Home, home and home.
12. I hate partying.
13. Good time with friends means talking over a meal or cups of good coffee. Just that. 
14. I am very conservative, actually. 
15. I prefer going out/travel alone. 
16. My life has always been about my family and him and I am contented with just that. 
17. I think too much. 

You are going to be a beautiful bride, Nazirah and I am glad to know a person like you. You inspire me in many ways and thanks, for all those unbiased opinions, and for understanding me, Truly, I can't be perfect for someone else. 

Have a happy, blessed wedding! Stay pretty and wise. 

Day 2: Where I'd like to be in 10 years.

Yay, I like this topic because it tells me to dream, no matter how ridiculous my dreams are.


I am 24 years old this year and in ten years I am going to be, you-must-be-kidding-me 34 years old? Will I have wrinkles already that time? Damn.

Anyway, so when I am 34(gawks),:

1: I would be as awesome as I am now.

2. I would be hotter than I am now. I will have bigger thighs and bigger butts. Yay. But I don't think I'd mind having the same body as now because, seriously, I just love going outside because of all the head-turns I get. Ha!

3. I would probably be a specialist already, preferably an anaesthesiologist or a radiologist. (One day, I am definitely going to go hahaha for this one!)

4. I would have completed at least one of these (a) classical dance (b) hip hop dance (c) jazz  (d) classical Carnatic vocal training. This is a must,especially the classical dance! Imagine me with that thick black kohl, with gold, intricate ornaments,neatly pleated saree and a pair of anklets ringing with every rhythm of my muscles. Just imagine. My saree should be in green or white with maroon borders. God, I just can't wait for it.

Beautiful, isn't it? I can't find the right green in Google Images though.

5. So, when I am 34, I should be married, right? So, I see myself as a married woman, with 2 children. No more on that.

6. I would probably be in KL or somewhere nearby to my hometown. 

7. Oh yeah. I have almost forgotten, I would have already bought a house for my parents by 30, not 34. 

8. I should be rich by 34, right? So, I would be driving this: 

Audi Q5, Isn't she a beauty?
I have always thought that this model is a bit weird, because if you look at the side profile of it, it looks like  the head of the green-headed duck. Probably, my own imagination. But, it's kind of an acquired taste. The more I see, the more I want it. I think, I can live with this colour. =)

I don't dream much. Just a few. Dreaming is like jinxing my own future. Good night. 

Day 1: My current relationship

Whoah, this is a difficult topic to write on.Oh, now everybody will know that I am in a relationship and that's like going to make me less popular? Haha. I honestly think that single girls are much more attractive. Single girls appear stronger and that's an appeal. What do you think? I actually have another account on Xanga where I pour all my emotional turbulence, insecurities and occasionally about love. When I chose to have a new account on Blogger, I took oath that I was never going to write about my relationship, love, emotions or anything synonymous to that category here. So, now I am stuck, should I or should I not write about my relationship here?

Hmmm, I guess I will write something really superficial about it.

So, I met this guy in my Matriculation college, when I was 18. We became friends, and few months later, we hooked up. I was 19 already at that time ( I am a December baby, so I get only a month to brag about my real age). After college, somehow, we got into the same university. No, we did not plan/ apply to go to the same uni, but yeah, we managed to stay together for 5 years. Sorry, if this is boring, because I am trying to keep it as superficial as possible. It was very difficult in the initial 2 years, because the only guys I have been really mixing up with before him were my dad and my brothers. You know how dads and brothers are. The environment I grew up was entirely different from how he was brought up, probably. Trust me, it was really difficult. But, there was euphoria of newness, if you get what I mean. The constant palpitations, the efforts to impress and the current that rushes from my neck to thighs whenever he held my hands. That was euphoric.
But now we have moved into a much more stable phase, where we argue and the next morning when we wake up, it's 'Good morning darling' and 'good morning sweetheart' again. Its boring sometimes, but most of the times, it feels right. I used to fight for my rights, for his attention and for his time. I don't do those anymore, not because I get all of them abundantly, but I just don't feel the need to. It's a phase, I guess. Don't mistake me for the monotony and melancholy in my words, its not that I am not happy. I am contented with him and what we have now. I often imagine myself with him, in his house, cooking for him and watching tv together and that makes me smile. Like now. =) Well, I don't know what's going to happen to us or to the relationship we are guarding faithfully, but for the moment, I'd like to keep it. Because he is my source of energy. Apart from the tonnes of carbs that I constantly shove into my mouth nowadays.

That's enough, I guess. Oh, one more. I miss you.

You are the blue. Because you are calm and cool. 

The 30 day challenge

Hello everybody! So, I came across this while reading my dear friend Nazirah's post and guess what, I have decided to take up this challenge. 

Apparently, this whole 30 days blogging challenge has been going on for years, but as as usual I would be the last to know everything. So, should I consider today as the first day? Aheeeyai, coming right after this!

Anyway, while I was looking for Barney's picture, I actually found other 'Challenge Accepted" memes. For example,

and this, 

I haven't heard of Bieber for ages. Is he still around?

The 'Mourning' After GE 13

Good morning Malaysia. I have been saving up this post for the new government. For the new dawn, they say. But look at me now, all agitated and utterly shattered, my despair forming words.

Last night was definitely one hell of a night. I was never that excited neither for the country nor politics. And honey, yes, I saw politics, filthy politics. We all know about it, the cheap, so-yesterday tricks to suddenly win the election by, what!! Simple majority? Well done. Never has my heart ached so much for justice, and my mind was shouting and screaming in rage all night long, for help. Help us, clean us up, you know that this is not what we want. All I wanted last night was, to fall asleep and wake up to another election day. A clean one, of course.

Justice aside, let's talk about reality. During tough times, we see how people react and what their cores are really made of. I am talking about racism, here. Well, when you are talking about politics here, you definitely can't run away from racism. The parties are segregated according to races and whatever belief you hold onto, subsequently, it is all about Melayu, Cina and India! The good thing is, GE 13 somehow has first clumped racism, then masked it,  into one hope, a better Malaysia.  The bad thing is, there are parties that want to keep us segregated, thus the idea of DAP and it's extreme racism surfaced. Well, what I can say about it is, is what I have been saying all the while, once you stop thinking about the benefits and importance of your race,that is, when we unite. And for that, we need fairness. That's what I hope from you, BN, for the next five years.

The other day, a friend of my father said this, " it has a become a fashion for youngsters to support the opposition". Fashion or not, GE 13 witnessed a beautiful cooperation among youths driven by one cause. Well, this is a good thing, isn't it? For this is the generation that stays updated on unbiased media, that fight for their rights and the generation that is really going to 'ubah' Malaysia. With all these young, blossoming minds, with innovative ideas, plus importantly, who are able to see friends as friends, not as Malays, Chinese and Indians, they are going to reform Malaysia. Let's just hope that these minds will not be polluted by racism, special advantages and corruption. I am very positive about this, though at the back of my mind, I know, this will take at least 3 GEs to come into reality.

So, what is going to happen next? A change of Prime Minister? More government transformation policies? Reconciliation of the hearts of citizens by showering with money in forms of vouchers? I don't know. I am still in despair, I guess. Good Luck Barisan Nasional. Good Luck Malaysians.

Post-script:

Hey, but was I really thinking that PR could take over? Thinking about it,I feel cheated, because I think that many of us, which means, my friends and my family supported PR. But that is just my social circle.What about others? Probably, this is what the rakyat really want. Let's fight again, people. Enough mourning. Let's work it out again. Independence takes time and you can ask Gandhi about that.


Post-scripts (Part 2):
1. While we were all hyped up by adrenaline and serotonin for the elections, there are families shedding their tears for the loss of their loved ones. Praba and Uma Mahesh, though I didn't get the chance to know you all personally, rest in peace. Be strong Vino. Love you lots.

2. And for my dear friend Fitri, who bought himself a seat, literally and who expected a political groundburst as his birthday present, Happy Birthday!

3. Help us.